Muhahahahaha! I will over-power you with my vision! (queue evil laugh again)
In my mind, I see myself in a sort of Wonder-Woman-esque costume, hands on hips, with red lasers shooting out of my eyes.
“Why you do it like this?” MB is rolling his eyes at me.
“Huh? What?” I am snapped out of my role as super-villain.
“Pfff, nothing…santé?” MB looks at me patiently, glass in hand.
“Oh, right…santé!” We raise our glasses to our lips as I continue to stare at him psychotically.
MB smirks. “You are reedeeculous.”
“Hey,” I spark up in my own defense. “I’m just following ze rules!”
You know that whole saying about breaking a mirror and having seven years bad luck? Well, try this on for size…in France, if you “santé” incorrectly you get seven years of bad sex (leave it to the French). So, it is no surprise that this was one of the first things that I learned about French culture. While, getting a tutorial on the kissing thing* would have been infinitely helpful; instead, my first tutorial was on toasting.
I was in Australia with several of MB’s French friends (ex-pats tend to flock together). We had all just poured wine and I did my usual American all-glasses-in-at-the-same-time “cheers”!
“What? No, you cannot do eet like theez.” His friend Pierre says to me.
“What, are the toasting police going to come and get me?” I’m so funny.
“No, I do not think so.” Pierre is not amused.
“So you are telling me there are rules for toasting?”
“They are not rules; it is just the way eet eez.” Pierre says this matter-of-factly, like, “why weren’t you aware, American?”
“Okay, so what is the way eet eez?” For some reason they are not charmed by my French accent.
“No crossing,” says Jean. “This is not okay, if your glass goes in, it must go directly to a person. Do not cross arms with someone else. This is very bad.”
The other Frenchman nod emphatically and I start to wonder if I should be taking notes.
“Also, you do not start until everyone has their glass,” says Stephen. “This is very rude, yes?”
He looks at me pointedly. I think he could tell that I was about to pull the trigger on my wine glass during the tutorial. I lower it with a disappointed sigh.
“But, the most ahmportant thing eez that you must look into the eyes of the person when you touch their glass, like theez…”
Pierre lifts his glass towards me and looks briefly into my eyes. I widen my eyes and give him the laser stare.
“I think you are a beet dramatique but theez is better than nothing.”
And then, we toasted…one by one, with eye-contact, and no crossing!
Now you have been given the official tutorial. So take notes, rehearse, and be ready for your next French apéro!
*I still get the kissing wrong sometimes…sometimes three kisses, for children sometimes just the one. What the heck? How are you EVER to know?!
8 thoughts on “Santé Death Stare”
Uugh! I know that staer! It’s same in Switzerland and Germany. Plus, it was 3 kisses on alternating cheeks to everyone in (German-speaking) Switzerland. Watch out for granny who would plant 3 kisses on the corners of my mouth!
haha! Yes, the “too close to the mouth” kiss! Always sooooo awkward!
LOL the stare! I didn’t know about the bad sex, I thought it was just bad luck! I am known for spilling my wine/whatever now I try that hard to stare at the person correctly! Urk!
There are probably different schools of thought on whether it is luck or sex…either way, I’m not taking any chances!!! 🙂
Love it, I am described as the intense person because of that. I am just sure that my clumsyness will embarras me, you know I can fall into a mirror (english thing), then bumble up that toast.
Totally get it! On-ya for fellow concentration!
Haha – yes, the ultimate mirror/toast double-whammy! Would make for seven collectively unpleasant years, ha!
Aha! Yes! We too have been told about the bad sex thingy. Though as another friend said “I’d rather have seven year’s of bad sex than no sex at all…”
Hello, I’ve just come across your blog and find it très amusante. I think your French is like mine – much, much better after a couple of aperos (or so I think!)
Hello!! Thanks so much for the kind feedback!! I’m glad that you enjoy it.
Phew…yes, cocktails definitely improve my French…at least in my mind. 🙂
Ha – and I think your friend has it right – better than nothing!