Fall-N-France

I am walking through the neighborhood market when I spot France picking through a basket of Girolles (Chanterelles).

ME:  What up, France?

I put my hand up for a high five but all I get back is an eye roll.

FRANCE:  Bonjour, Américaine.  Why is your hand up?  You are going to hit me or what?

ME:  Like you don’t know what I am doing.

FRANCE:  Knowledge is not the same as compliance.  Bise like a normal person.

ME:  Didn’t you read my last post about that?

FRANCE:  Quoi?  Of course I don’t read your blog.

France looks indignant before leaning in to look very closely at a mushroom.

FRANCE:  …as though I would care what you write about me…

ME:  What?  I couldn’t hear you.

FRANCE:  Of course you couldn’t!  I wasn’t speaking four decibels too high; I am sure your Américain ear can only hear sounds that shatter glass.

I sigh and start to walk off.

FRANCE:  Quoi?  I thought we were having a conversation and now you just walk away without a word.  You know, I don’t know why you call me rude… vraiment!

ME:  Incorrigible.

FRANCE:  What was that?

ME:  Nothing.  So what are you getting?  Going to have something special for dinner tonight?

FRANCE:  I haven’t decided yet.  You will have a cheeseburger, non?

ME:  Yeah, I eat cheeseburgers all day every day.

I am being sarcastic.

FRANCE:  I know you do.

I give France a look but France just shrugs and lights a cigarette.

FRANCE:  This is the month of your “Thanksgiving”, yes?

ME:  Yep, in two weeks, I’m surprised you remembered that.

FRANCE:  Yes, well it’s hard to forget about a holiday based on you massacring a people and then celebrating it year after year by overeating and giving yourselves diabetes.  Sort of sticks in the mind.

I roll my eyes.

ME:  You know it is actually a really nice holiday.  You have all your family around, maybe your friends as well and you take some time to contemplate the things you are grateful for in your life.

France puts out the cigarette and continues walking towards the cheese vendor.

FRANCE:  Why do you need a holiday for this?  Can’t you just be grateful all year long?

I sigh again.

FRANCE:  Do you have a breathing problem?  Today you sigh very much.

ME:  Maybe it’s all the cigarettes.

I smile sweetly.  France smirks and gives me a look of approval.

ME:  But yeah, of course you should be grateful all year long – Thanksgiving is just a reminder to really think about it and talk about and share it with those that you love.

FRANCE:  Sounds exhausting, you Américains always needing to talk about your feelings.

ME:  So you don’t want to tell me anything you are grateful for?

FRANCE:  Pfff…I’m grateful to be French, quoi, so I don’t have to go through this stoopeed ritual every year!

ME:  MB is French and he is excited for Thanksgiving.

FRANCE:  Ah, you mean this man who lived in Australia for 6 years and is now married to an Américaine.  Oui, of course he is excited.

ME:  We’re going to have a big party you know…

I look at France with my eyebrows raised in a question mark.  France ignores me and looks into the cheese display.

ME:  If memory serves you had a pretty good time at the 4th of July party.

FRANCE:  WHAT?!  I did not!  It was average at best, huh!  A good time, who do you think I am?  Brazil?!

ME:  All I’m saying is that you stayed pretty late and seemed to get along well with everyone.

FRANCE: pffff…

ME:  So….?

FRANCE:  Quoi?  So?  What?  You are so tiring, why you must drag everything out?

ME:  Maybe I like to watch your squirm?

France suppresses a laugh.

FRANCE:  Sometimes you don’t make me want to gag, Américaine.

I smile and give France a pat on the back.  France quickly shrugs me off and looks at me with disdain.

FRANCE:  Everything is so difficult with this relationship.  I have no idea what cheese to bring that will go with turkey!

ME:  Oh, but won’t you be thankful to find out?!

France gives me the first real smile of the day.

 FRANCE: Peut-être, Américaine…peut-être.

 

About these ads
This entry was posted in Conversations with France, Cultural Differences, French Food, Holidays in France and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Fall-N-France

  1. Your conversations with France are brilliant! If you ever write a whole book of them I’ll buy it right away :-)

    I also feel grateful to be French :-D

    • breadispain says:

      Thanks so much for such a nice compliment! I have thought about putting together a “best of the best” for the blog posts. I’ll keep you posted if I decide to self-publish! Glad you enjoyed! :)

  2. I agree. I would NEVER say “Oh you should write a book” to anyone in France…that is unless they truly had something unique to offer…well, that would be you. I honestly did the little clap my hands together in delight thingy seeing this in my inbox and was not disappointed–I never am!

    I truly owe you a cheese plate for all of the laughs you have given me…Merci!
    Heather

    • breadispain says:

      You are so sweet! (you are also doing dangerous things to my ego, j/k) :) I’m glad you are enjoying – I have just as much fun writing them and coming up with the topics. A lot of times I am the nerd laughing at myself while writing. GEEK OUT!

  3. I love your conversation with France and seems to me you nailed it right on! Thank you for making me smile!

    XXX
    Debra~

  4. G says:

    Oh so funny, and not so different to a conversation with England, as a brit living in Ireland with USA relatives knows only too well. Well done and def. made me smile lol

  5. Deborah Carter says:

    I’m new to your blog, after Heather’s (Arles) suggestion. Love it! made me laugh! Thanks. Cheers, Deborah – Melbourne

    • breadispain says:

      Thanks so much Deborah! Always glad to see a Melbourne reader – that is where I met my husband!! I lived in Fitzroy for just under two years…still miss it terribly!

  6. Laurie says:

    Love it

  7. Kassandra says:

    ROFL!!! Does France look like Serge Gainsbourg, par chance? :) heeheehee

    • breadispain says:

      haha! I’ll never tell!! I try to be really careful to keep France gender non-specific with no appearance adjectives. I have a lot of fun hearing different people’s thoughts on what France looks like. If I ever quit the blog I think I will ask everyone to email in their drawings of France for the last post! :)

  8. Ohlala Maman says:

    I’m new to your blog and this is brilliant, so excited to check out the other conversations. I can’t believe I gave up blogging about being lost in France 4 years ago, I’m so happy to come back and see some really wonderful, sympathetic and hilarious voices to tune in to. I look forward to more!

    • breadispain says:

      Thank you so much for such a nice comment!!! Hehe…I love my convos with France – hoping to put one up at some point this month (I try not to wear it out). I look forward to checking out your blog as well!

      Thanks for reading!! :)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s